During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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