it's like iHOP with fire
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize