Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
