I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
