I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize