my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
