he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
