So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
