I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
