You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
