Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
