My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize