what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
