I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
