I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
