VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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