i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
