I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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