I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
