I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
