sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want to fling myself into the sun
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
