I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
