My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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