Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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