i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
