Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
