he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
