Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
