yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
