Is it because I queefed?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
