She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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