nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
