I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
