he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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