Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
