he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
