Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
