Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
