This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
