If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
