I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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