What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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