whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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