There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
