is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
