We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
