i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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