I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
