I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
