remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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