I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize