If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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