Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
