I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
