I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
