Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
a search helicopter?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
