He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
