I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
