oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
