It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
