Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
