We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
