Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
