The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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