Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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