he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
