eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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