no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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