So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
