I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
